http://whatshouldsaudercallme.tumblr.com/

Happy tumblr prom, Michaela <3

Even if wolfnoid has forgotten, we can still go to tumblr prom =]

There’s even a very “cool” surprise, if you look close enough :3

Pardon the terrible quality and the not-too-clean mirror (I swear, it’s not my suit that’s dirty! xD)

I love you <3

So, about a week ago, rummaging through/tidying up my piano bench, I find choir music. Just tons and tons of it. Things I must’ve stashed in there long ago, then forgotten to return.

Or just didn’t want to.

Nostalgia hits me. Choir, every week, after Sunday. I had nothing to do, anyways, and there’s nothing more I’d like to do than sing. I wasn’t half bad, so there wasn’t any pressure for me to improve or perform. Just relaxed with the music in front of me, getting lost in the notes and enjoying the blend of voices around me.

Then, the choir retreat. The last, what, three years of my eleven year stint with choir, every summer, off to Camp Squeah. But we weren’t there to just relax and have fun-of course not. Three days meant cramming an entire musical medley, with choreography slapped on by kids who knew nothing about musicals or dancing. This year, Disney. Next year, Joseph. After that, who knows?

Then there’s the time spent bonding with friends and getting to know the people you only see once a week. The stories you hear and share, the feeling that other people cared about you. The late nights spent playing card games or Truth or Dare or whatever the hell we came up with. The sunrise. Falling asleep on each other’s shoulder on the bus on the way home.

And the performances. The classy looking outfits. The relaxed feeling amongst a sea of anxious and nervous youngsters. All that hard work poured into minutes. That elated feeling from the applause and the feeling that next year, it would happen again.

I wish I were in choir again.

fettucelle:

is amazing.

And wildly underrated.

I don’t like complicated. I don’t do complicated. I like simple, straightforward- tell it like it is.

I’ve had complicated, twisted, ulterior motives, crazy for so long, all I want is simplicity.

It’s finally done. My room is clean. Well, clean-ish. Things are packed away into their respective corners.

Okay, it’s just less of a mess.

I remember when I used to keep my room neat and tidy, everything packed away in boxes at the end of the year. And then, one day, I had to throw things away. And, when I went back to look at everything I had packed away in boxes so long ago, I had forgotten it all. There were no memories left. It made parting with it much easier and it must have been much less sad to throw most of it all away, but in the end, I wondered how much of right now I would remember in the future.

I tell myself that back then, I didn’t have this, a place to put my thoughts and everything in. When I first got myself a diary/journal, I wrote in the front of it “Dedicated to: all those little memories that happen to get lost along the way.” And, whenever I stayed up especially late and had a lot on my mind, I wrote in it. Of course, entries were few and far apart, and it ended up more like me catching up with a really old friend, all my thoughts and feelings. But when I look back at it, those memories come back.

I haven’t written in it in a long time, since I started blogging, because now, my thoughts go here, and when I look back at it and read through some of the words I wrote, it’ll come back to me, in bits and pieces. It’s why I prefer to write events and happenings, rather than just vague thoughts and feelings - it’s basically my own personal diary, just a little bit less private. But having it here keeps me motivated to keep writing in it. Hopefully now, fewer little memories will get lost along the way.

Sometimes, things just happen, and you’re so powerless to stop them or affect them. All you can hope to do is ride out the storm and just let the winds buffet you around, praying that they’ll drop you in one piece.

Where did I turn so wrong? And where am I supposed to turn back?

Is it foolish to just hold on and wait for whatever happens to happen?

Or is it even more foolish to try to fight back and wait for it to spit back in your face?

Because storms may die down, but they never completely go away.

Next year, same time, same place, I’ll be sitting here without a clue how I got here again.

It’s been a draining sort of week. The kind where you focus all you’ve got in on working hard and making things work out. It’s been so long since I’ve tried to work hard, so it doesn’t surprise me that not much is working out (though, it’s still an improvement!).

Monday, Linear Algebra. Tuesday, Statistics.

Thursday, Differential Equations. Friday, Finance.

It’s amazing, really. Everything you learn in an 22 weeks of a class, condensed into 2 and a half hours of work. It’s like a time capsule of the semester, printed on 7 sheets of paper. This semester’s been very number-crunching calculation-heavy. Ha, every single exam this week are the formula-sheet calculator-punching type exam, sandwiched between two writing finals the week before and the week after.

Read more …

I’m not studying today. I just want a day to mope and be sad, then, when it gets really late and I’ve gotten all the sadness out, sleep optimistic. :]

Gah, I’m terrible. I get jealous way too easily. :/

Still, I needed that. Just go back to studying.